six::eleven

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you
and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
for your reward will be great in heaven.
Thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Am I blessed for any of these things? I believe it is possible, but at the same time, am I in a place to be able to be able to say so? Most notable to me is that I don't feel that I am receiving the prophet's reward; I merely struggle internally, often with my inability to express myself in important moments. I suppose this is why practice is important, and reflection. Reflection can be like mourning, for one must face those things in oneself that are lamentable. And how I lament the lack of hunger and thirst for righteousness in my appetite.

Amidst of all this disquiet in my soul, I find myself recognizing that better ways are truly possible. I have seen others rise up around me, and in the past, even myself. I have never known life to be a smooth progression from one good time to another. Has anyone? I still have hope that good things will come, even in this life. I may yet be given good words to speak and write, and they shall come at the right time. Perhaps it is the waiting, as painful as it is, that is preparing me for the reception of my call, a call given to all who listen to Christ speak upon that mountain, even in the desert.

Be quiet, O my spirit. Be at rest, for your work is coming, and is even present now in the still silence.

(2 Corinthians 1:1-7, Psalm 34, Matthew 5:1-12)